Bubbles
Li Li
I take a breath and think of my father. "He lies on his sickbed
attached to oxygen, all skin and bones, he needs help to use the
bathroom...."
This is how a relative described it a few days ago on the phone
I can't know what my father is thinking
but I trust that he's watching himself swim. He once crossed the Yangtze
River
I lightly paddle with both arms. My father
will never enjoy this simple motion again: head
launching into water, coming up, launching in again, coming up again
I dive toward the bottom, touching the shadows that dance into cuttlefish
The scene of a summer bath grabs me: my father's right arm
like a crane on a dock by the Huangpu River
lightly hoisting the eight-year-old me. He was younger then than I am now
Suddenly I'm stung by something, I struggle
upward. Like someone drowning. The waves all around me
become his muscles, then in a flash become bubbles again
I'm gasping, not knowing now if it's me or my father swimming hard
attached to oxygen, all skin and bones, he needs help to use the
bathroom...."
This is how a relative described it a few days ago on the phone
I can't know what my father is thinking
but I trust that he's watching himself swim. He once crossed the Yangtze
River
I lightly paddle with both arms. My father
will never enjoy this simple motion again: head
launching into water, coming up, launching in again, coming up again
I dive toward the bottom, touching the shadows that dance into cuttlefish
The scene of a summer bath grabs me: my father's right arm
like a crane on a dock by the Huangpu River
lightly hoisting the eight-year-old me. He was younger then than I am now
Suddenly I'm stung by something, I struggle
upward. Like someone drowning. The waves all around me
become his muscles, then in a flash become bubbles again
I'm gasping, not knowing now if it's me or my father swimming hard
translated from the Chinese by Eleanor Goodman