I turned around
It was no longer bright
It was black
It was silent
I was not silent
I said light
And I meant light
I said light
I wanted light
It was not bright
The word was not light
The word was the word
I turned around
There was no longer light
It was black
It was completely black
I could no longer see my hands
I could no longer see if my hands were pink
I could no longer see if my hands were hands
It was black
I stood in the darkness
Perhaps it was snow
Perhaps it was darkness
Perhaps it was dark and nothing but darkness
It was silent
It was absolute silence
I stood in the darkness
It was silent
It was absolute silence
The silence was dark
The silence was black
I stood in the darkness
The silence was dark
The silence was black
I stood in the darkness
The silence was dark
The silence was black
And I stood in the darkness
I said light
And I meant light
The word was the word
But it was not light
The word was not light
The word was the word
I became scared
I was afraid
It was not the word fear
It was fear
I was afraid
I was too afraid
The fear was silence
It was not white
It was not cold
It was not wet
It was dark
It was not black
It was dark
It was black
And it was the eyes
It was black
And there were many eyes
There were many eyes in the blackness
It was not words
It was eyes
I saw them
It was eyes
They were not white
They were yellow
Perhaps it was the cold
Perhaps it was the wetness
The eyes saw
And I saw
The eyes saw me
And I saw the eyes
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
It was black
And it was I
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
It was black
And it was silent
The silence was dark
The silence was black
And I was silent
I wanted to say light
I wanted light
I wanted the word
I wanted the sound
There was no sound
There was no word
There was silence
There was silence
I did not know where I could look
Wherever I looked I saw black
Black and yellow eyes
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
It was black
And it was silent
It was absolute silence
The blackness was silent
I was silent
And those yellow eyes were silent
It was black
And I could no longer see my hands
I could no longer see if my hands were hands
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
The eyes saw me
They were yellow
They were not words
They were eyes
I could no longer see my hands
But I could see the yellow eyes
And those yellow eyes were yellow
And those yellow eyes were in the blackness
The silence was dark
The silence was black
And I was silent
I was completely silent
I could no longer say the word
The silence was dark
The silence was black
And I was silent
I was completely silent
I could no longer say the word
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
I knew nothing other than that
I knew nothing other than that
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
It was yellow eyes in the blackness
And I stood in the blackness
I stood in the blackness
I was silent
I was completely silent
I could no longer say the word
I stood in the blackness
I was silent
I was completely silent
I could no longer say the word
I stood in the blackness
And I could no longer say the word
It was black
I could no longer see my hands
It was black
And it was yellow eyes in the blackness
I knew nothing other than the
Darkness
Black and yellow eyes in the darkness
The yellow eyes opened their jaws
The glimmer of flesh
I saw
I saw the glow of flesh
I was silent
I was completely silent
I was silent
And their jaws were silent
They were completely silent
The glow of flesh wherever I looked
The glimmer of flesh
Their jaws opened with the glow of flesh
I saw the glow of flesh
The glow was not the word
The glow was not the word
The glow was flesh
The flesh was a light in the darkness
I was not the light
I was silent
I was completely silent
And their jaws were silent
I was silent
I was completely silent
I could not say a word
I was silent
I was completely silent
And their jaws were silent
They were completely silent
They were way too close
I was lost
Was I
I was still silent
I was lost
Was I
I was still silent
And their jaws were silent
I was lost
Was I
I was still silent
I was lost
Was I
I was still silent
And their jaws were still silent
They were completely silent
They were way too close
I wanted the word
It was not the word
Had I been able to say light
Had I been able to say snow
Had I been able to say that the snow was white
Had I been able to say that the snow was cold
Had I been able to say that the snow was wet
Had I been able to say that the snow was silent
I was silent
And their jaws were silent
They were completely silent
I was lost
Was I
I was still silent
I was completely silent
And their jaws were silent
I was lost
Was I
I was still silent
Their jaws were silent
They were completely silent
I wanted the word
There was no word
I was lost
Was I
Was I really there
I was still silent
I was still pink
I was silent
And their jaws were silent
They were completely silent
They were way too close
I was silent
The fear was silent
It was not white
It was not cold
It was not wet
It was dark
I was not black
It was dark
I was silent
I was completely silent
I was lost
Was I
Was I really there
The jaws were silent
And I was silent
I was completely silent
The jaws were silent
The jaws were completely silent
Teethglow of light
I looked into the eyes
And the teethglow of light
I looked into the eyes
And the teethglow of light
Teethglow of light
And I accepted it
I accepted it
I was silent
I was completely silent
I accepted it
Complete and coherent, I accepted it
And I believed in it
The teeth were sharp
And the tongues were wet
The teeth were in my neck
The teeth were in my neck
The teeth were in my neck
And the tongues were wet
The teeth were sharp
And the pain was not white
And the pain was not cold
The pain was wet
I accepted it
The pain was wet
I accepted it
I saw black
And yellow eyes
I accepted
Complete and coherent, I accepted it
The pain was not white
The pain was not cold
The pain was wet
I was hot
Hot and a little wet
I was silent
I was completely silent
I accepted it
I was lost
Was I
Was I really there
I accepted it
Complete and coherent, I accepted it
And I believed in it
I accepted it
Complete and coherent, I accepted it
I was silent
I was completely silent
The teeth were sharp
The pain was hot
The teeth were sharp
And the pain was hot
I saw black
And yellow eyes
I saw black
And yellow eyes
I accepted it
Complete and coherent, I accepted it
And I believed in it
I was silent
I was completely silent
I saw black
And yellow eyes
I saw black
And yellow eyes
I saw black
And yellow eyes
I was silent
I was completely silent
I was lost
Was I
Was I
Was I really there
I accepted it
The teeth were sharp
The tongues were wet
I accepted it
The teeth were sharp
And the pain was hot
I accepted it
Complete and coherent, I accepted it
And I believed in it
I believed in it
And the teeth let go
It was black
It was nothing more than black
It was silent
It was completely silent
I was silent
I was completely silent
It was black
It was completely black
I saw black
I saw nothing but blackness
I was lost
Was I
Was I really there
It was silent
It was completely silent
I was silent
I was completely silent
Was it over
Was it
Was that really it
It was silent
It was completely silent
I was silent
I was completely silent
But I had the word
And I stood in the darkness
It was black
It was completely black
Perhaps it was the snow
Perhaps it was the sky
I was not cold
I was outstretched
Perhaps I was lost
Perhaps I was complete
I was silent
I was completely silent
I was silent
I was completely silent
Perhaps I was complete
Perhaps I was complete
I saw blackness
I saw nothing but blackness
Such was the night
from Words and Colors
Helena Österlund
translated from the Swedish by Paul Cunningham
Listen to the excerpt read in the original Swedish by the poet:
Words and Colors consists of two long, sprawling poems: “Words” and “Colors.” The poem called “Words” is divided into three sections—or, rather, three focal words: “Was,” “Is,” and “Will.” The second, and arguably more unsettling poem, “Colors,” concerns itself with the colors “Red,” “Black,” and “White.” Across both poems, the repetition of Österlund’s pulsing lyricism hypnotizes and confounds. What binds Österlund’s words to the colors? A violent encounter between the poem’s speaker and a wolf! In this particular excerpt from “Was,” the poem’s speaker meditates on a maddening encounter with a dark figure in wet, snowy woods. As far as “Was” goes, we only know that the figure is some sort of an animal that possesses sharp teeth and teeth-like eyes of yellow. At one point, the mysterious animal sinks its teeth into the speaker’s neck. Österlund’s “Was” begins with snow (“It began with snow / There was snow / I was not snow / I was in the snow”) and slowly unfolds into an outrageous, lyrical navigation of trauma, silence, and darkness. The poet begins with blankness yet somehow moves beyond the poems’ deceivingly strict syntactic boundaries.
Helena Österlund was born in 1978 and lives in Stockholm, Sweden. She was awarded the Borås Magazine Debut Award for her 2010 collection of poems, Ordet och färgerna (Words and Colors), which was distributed by Albert Bonniers Förlag. Inspiration for her work comes from writers such as Thomas Bernhard, Gertrude Stein, Anne Carson, and Samuel Beckett. Music also inspires her and she listens to Philip Glass, Steve Reich, and John Cage. When writing, however, she likes to listen to music that makes her want to dance, like techno and EBM.
Paul Cunningham was born in 1989 and lives in Athens, Georgia. He is the translator of two chapbooks by Swedish author, playwright, and video-artist Sara Tuss Efrik: Automanias: Selected Poems (Goodmorning Menagerie, 2016) and The Night’s Belly (Toad Press, 2016). He is a contributing editor to Fanzine and his other writing has appeared in SAND, Yalobusha Review, Gigantic Sequins, DIAGRAM, Fireflies, Bat City Review, LIT, and others. His translations have most recently appeared in Sink Review, Witch Craft Magazine, and Contemporary Works in Translation: A Multilingual Anthology from OOMPH! Press. He is currently a Ph.D. candidate in creative writing at the University of Georgia and he holds an M.F.A. in poetry from the University of Notre Dame. His most recent poem-film, It Is Announced (a collaboration with Valerie Mejer Caso and Barry Shapiro), premiered at the 2016 Kochi-Muziris Biennale.
