from Monodrama
Carlito Azevedo
Two Foreigners
A) MAGNIFYING GLASS EFFECT
If you say light
you say passage of time
I read this in the book by the Russian
philosopher
about Dutch
painting
and now I repeat that
to myself
as I watch
the rain pour down
outside the hotel
where I work
a spiritual activity
no doubt
If you say light you say
this lowering of the eyelashes
revealed
when you appear in front of me like that
and your great drama
in telling me how hard it was to get a taxi
shuffling the already well mixed contours
of sexual tautology
with marked
predomination
of the form of your mouth
the smell of your hair
If you say light
you say the bottom of the sea
the philosopher warns me against
a rigour borne
of application of schematic
and rigid ideas
rather than following the curved
and fluid contours of reality
the post-it note reminds me that I must make up
a slogan for the new brand of ketchup
in a weekend
to increase my income
and what if a cloud of matter
crashed
into one
of antimatter?
You: that’s why amnesia doesn’t exist
you: that’s why the sun is a tautology
I woke up to the bandleader’s voice
saying: “Hirohito!”
If you say light
you say algae you say cyanobacteria
if you say light
you say impression of space
you say: a lake at night
twinkling for no-one
in a single movement my glance
embraces the eyes of the sad mountaineer
and diagnoses
check-in panic
her feet have walked
in more places than mine
but her heart makes a point
of sharing them with me
at least in my dream, mr. rabbit,
in my birthday dream
I recall but don’t say
something by Gombrowicz
about invisible clouds
or about summers in the Steppe
far from here
while I look at my watch
somebody comes and goes
along the side of a muddy river
far from here
in the intermediary world of Carioca street
someone might like to hear
me say that in order to be visible
a body must emit
radioactivity
far from here
I have friends who love me
and my poems
and who think about me every day
Far from here
someone carries desperate people in a chalana boat
someone studies superconductor
temperatures
someone realises they didn’t
become a genius at the piano
there must be someone who cries
when their friend reads them
a poem by
their favourite poet
the two of them will order one more coffee
and say goodbye to each other under the awning
they congratulate themselves for having taken the cold-blooded
decision never to fall in love with each other
she runs a block back to her house
under the rain
he jumps into
a crowded bus
even I find myself moved by the things
going on
throughout
my birthday
B) HER
“This light, you know, I detest this light”
I was driving but I looked towards where
She was pointing
The cliff
The lead grey water
The sky full of prisms
“I think this place is so horrible
And I really don’t know what to say
About all these people asking
The whole time ‘what do you do?’
‘Where do you live?’
It’s just so obscene
Next they’ll want to know
How much I earn”
In silence I thought:
You’re right!
Instead of this
I asked if she wanted something to eat
Before the walk up the mountain
“And I also hate the way they treat
The children round here
As if it was obligatory to buy
Their love
Don’t forget this when
You start to detest me”
And she smiled
“Surely at least God will note all this down in my liber vitae”
*
And when on the next bend
Out of the cold shadow of the mountain
Came an almost magic mist
She wound down the window and screamed at it:
“And I will not admit any mitigation do you understand me master of the armies”
*
“That stupid carabiniere
Was actually thinking he would get to fuck me
And me almost puking up just looking at his face
Thanks for staying by my side the whole time
You know
Your country isn’t much worse than mine
It’s just more stupid and sentimental
That’s why I hate even its voices”
*
After thinking for a while
And lighting a cigarette
And staying silent:
“Chris always says that being an immigrant
Is not a question of distance
However large it may be
But something involving
A border
Looking death in the face
And recognising its power”
In Africa I noticed an immense dignity
That I can’t see here
Could it be that the Portuguese language is averse to this?
Or did you in fact become
An idiotically rich country?”
*
In a restaurant by the side of the road
She said she would only ever come back here
for me
“And for Rafael”
She quickly corrected herself
“And for this magnificent broccoli rice”
She said after taking the fork to her mouth
And she smiled
And that was the second time
A) MAGNIFYING GLASS EFFECT
If you say light
you say passage of time
I read this in the book by the Russian
philosopher
about Dutch
painting
and now I repeat that
to myself
as I watch
the rain pour down
outside the hotel
where I work
a spiritual activity
no doubt
If you say light you say
this lowering of the eyelashes
revealed
when you appear in front of me like that
and your great drama
in telling me how hard it was to get a taxi
shuffling the already well mixed contours
of sexual tautology
with marked
predomination
of the form of your mouth
the smell of your hair
If you say light
you say the bottom of the sea
the philosopher warns me against
a rigour borne
of application of schematic
and rigid ideas
rather than following the curved
and fluid contours of reality
the post-it note reminds me that I must make up
a slogan for the new brand of ketchup
in a weekend
to increase my income
and what if a cloud of matter
crashed
into one
of antimatter?
You: that’s why amnesia doesn’t exist
you: that’s why the sun is a tautology
I woke up to the bandleader’s voice
saying: “Hirohito!”
If you say light
you say algae you say cyanobacteria
if you say light
you say impression of space
you say: a lake at night
twinkling for no-one
in a single movement my glance
embraces the eyes of the sad mountaineer
and diagnoses
check-in panic
her feet have walked
in more places than mine
but her heart makes a point
of sharing them with me
at least in my dream, mr. rabbit,
in my birthday dream
I recall but don’t say
something by Gombrowicz
about invisible clouds
or about summers in the Steppe
far from here
while I look at my watch
somebody comes and goes
along the side of a muddy river
far from here
in the intermediary world of Carioca street
someone might like to hear
me say that in order to be visible
a body must emit
radioactivity
far from here
I have friends who love me
and my poems
and who think about me every day
Far from here
someone carries desperate people in a chalana boat
someone studies superconductor
temperatures
someone realises they didn’t
become a genius at the piano
there must be someone who cries
when their friend reads them
a poem by
their favourite poet
the two of them will order one more coffee
and say goodbye to each other under the awning
they congratulate themselves for having taken the cold-blooded
decision never to fall in love with each other
she runs a block back to her house
under the rain
he jumps into
a crowded bus
even I find myself moved by the things
going on
throughout
my birthday
B) HER
“This light, you know, I detest this light”
I was driving but I looked towards where
She was pointing
The cliff
The lead grey water
The sky full of prisms
“I think this place is so horrible
And I really don’t know what to say
About all these people asking
The whole time ‘what do you do?’
‘Where do you live?’
It’s just so obscene
Next they’ll want to know
How much I earn”
In silence I thought:
You’re right!
Instead of this
I asked if she wanted something to eat
Before the walk up the mountain
“And I also hate the way they treat
The children round here
As if it was obligatory to buy
Their love
Don’t forget this when
You start to detest me”
And she smiled
“Surely at least God will note all this down in my liber vitae”
*
And when on the next bend
Out of the cold shadow of the mountain
Came an almost magic mist
She wound down the window and screamed at it:
“And I will not admit any mitigation do you understand me master of the armies”
*
“That stupid carabiniere
Was actually thinking he would get to fuck me
And me almost puking up just looking at his face
Thanks for staying by my side the whole time
You know
Your country isn’t much worse than mine
It’s just more stupid and sentimental
That’s why I hate even its voices”
*
After thinking for a while
And lighting a cigarette
And staying silent:
“Chris always says that being an immigrant
Is not a question of distance
However large it may be
But something involving
A border
Looking death in the face
And recognising its power”
In Africa I noticed an immense dignity
That I can’t see here
Could it be that the Portuguese language is averse to this?
Or did you in fact become
An idiotically rich country?”
*
In a restaurant by the side of the road
She said she would only ever come back here
for me
“And for Rafael”
She quickly corrected herself
“And for this magnificent broccoli rice”
She said after taking the fork to her mouth
And she smiled
And that was the second time
translated from the Portuguese by Sarah Rebecca Kersley