Had I known where my conscience would take me
I would have extinguished the flame
Joy’s end is nigh
I know
All these houses are wretched brothels
Blackened morals of a time
The brightest hours of heaven are denied us
Pain consumes me
I remember a garden near the train station
And your joy when I plucked a winter flower
That bloomed yellow again in my hand
I revived it with my blood
And gave it to you
I loved you.
In my transient lodging near the station
I was a stranger waiting daily to slip
Down the eternal silvery murmur of train tracks
I dreamed through and saw
My life’s always and ever novel feats of torment
In the glass square of my window
In the throes of my waiting I fired off mad looks
Ah what was I always waiting for
Not knowing waiting meant death.
My glorious waiting in sorrow
I will never realize my dream of bloody streets
To swim in the horror as if at sea.
If there were a thousand and one loony bins
In this stupid Balkan town
In each I would spend a century
To stop verse from spreading in the madness of human drama.
Fall on me, hydra-headed darkness
Every night my heavy head falls
Into my weary hands
I hug myself and feel hellish doom
Cruelly and ruthlessly whipping him
Oh that’s me
Who empathizes with my fall into the abyss
In the abysses of disgust and ever new bitternesses
Endlessly surfacing from my depths.
Machines and boats whistle over rooftops
Melt in the fog
Lights from the city’s din rend my peace
I can’t love the one who loves me
If only
Trains
Anchors
Valves
Boats
Murmurs
Harbors
And flights
Could leave me alone.
And now when I fly to other worlds
I want to carry within me the man who loves
There
Where a mindless machine furiously takes me
Hey poet-son keep your heaving
Hot in the bosom of your darling
Like a geyser
At the departure to the mute afterlife.
One two three four these are the four walls
Of my transient lodging enclosing me on four sides in a desperate dungeon
To roll my heart like a die
To lose and all the more thoroughly perish
Oh my love a ruined gambler cries for you
Because he can’t find a door in these walls
Where
Where
Where to run oh refuge where to escape from one’s own prison.
Who will give us love give us union
Love
The poem of our pride
Love
In our human skin
My spirit proudly carries this body
In it only a mad poet can rave
Hey
If I had a thousand and one minds
I would have lost them if I weren’t a poet
If I didn’t enjoy the workings of death and life
Hey
My love room
My gallows.
I carry my repentance through unlit streets
With my unbearable calm I feel a tragic end
In myself I rend the deepest me to the blood
To salvage my pride and arrogance in raging verse.
One endless afternoon
A greedy Sunday boredom devoured me
I picked up the phone and called a once dear woman
To tell her
My soul was in a fever
Take it to the clinic on Monday to the clinic
For an ultrasun
Was her answer.
I return from where I leave every minute
I leave for eternity
Eternity is my mother
I bear my genius like a burden one dies under
I’m brave enough to proudly spit in the street’s face
At least I know
I’ll spit blood one beautiful day.
Oh my world I suffer from your grinding gears
You embitter my joy
Who the hell created you my world
Why should this meek body put up with your
Shattering labor
Oh my annoying body
Poetic body
Human body.