She sees it in one great glimpse of flashing gold: trees and humans, at war over the land and water and atmosphere. And she can hear, louder than the quaking leaves, which side will lose by winning.
—Richard Powers, The Overstory
For you. You’ll soon.
—Eimear McBride, A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing
*
you, soon
me, now
*
// me
i dont know which way to turn
on my right side
i breathe in the air
drifting out of your fathers dry mouth
on my left side
the clock stares me down
but i cant lie on my belly
without crushing you
and whenever i lie on my back
i have time to think
about the trees burning
about the waters rising
about the air
choked up with dust and dirt
about the machines we come up with
to clean the air
as we go on cutting down trees
about the latest disease
and all the new people
who just keep coming
and coming
about you
about how one day
about how it might go if
and whether youll stay in our house
and whether youll be on the
and whether youll have anyone you
and whether youll leave for parts unknown
and about the road beneath your feet
the food in your mouth
the illness that afflicts you
and about the people
the water
the future
so fast
approaching
*
// woods
you pick a deer
you grab your knife
its night so its time
its harder and harder to find them
youve heard the stories
about people creeping inside other people
at first just the people they find
the fresh ones
then the people they pick out
the big ones
the ones they can fit a whole family inside
youre alone
not so picky
not so demanding
youre faster
no one on your back
or in your belly
so here you are
still chasing after deer
youre one of the first
theyre in our house
they tell you to leave
fifteen minutes
you dont know much
youre not prepared
and its raining
its always raining hard
you ask
where can i go?
out the front door
but this is my house
this is my mothers house
they say it doesnt matter
you have to leave
you take your knife
you go
and everythings gone
the dark blue walls
the nicks in the floor
the metal legs of the table
the light through the attic window
the scribbles in your books
you walk the roads
and see other people coming out
with fifteen minutes of stuff
a teddy bear
a suitcase
a scarf
oh shit you think
warm clothes
i have to go back
you turn the corner
you cant go any farther
border guards
youre dangerous
you want something back
thats not yours anymore
youre nothing now but your own flesh
and a memory of my smile
and its raining
it is always raining hard
a gust of wind blows you off your feet
the waters are rising
you think about jumping
going wherever the river goes
but then again you know
where that will take you
and youd rather walk
you look for a hiding place
hear groaning in the distance
youve been walking for months now
you dont know if things will ever
you can only hope
maybe youre not thinking anything
but feeling everything
the seeping cold
the keening wind
*
// me
thoughts batter their way in
one after another
i see you
later
in a house
in the woods
on a ship
with a child
the worlds wetness
is out of balance
half the world is drying up
the other half is drowning
the people on the dry side
are crumbling into sand
the soggy people are fighting
for bits of still-dry land
side by side with the animals
that they try to eat
and use for warmth
sometimes its ice cold
sometimes burning hot
you dont know when
you dont know why
you have to adapt at the very last minute
again and again
at the very last minute
and hope youre still in time
because if not youll freeze
or melt
youll stop existing
youre not a child anymore
not quite
though youve never been anything but young
you used to see
old people around
but the times are too hard for them now
they adapt too late
and go up in smoke
or turn to stone
they wont stand up
refuse to leave
and are demolished with everything else
they know this cant be right
theyre used to a better life
they saw this coming
and never would stand up
*
// house
theres still television
youre watching it now
always the same
theres sometimes news
but less and less
because none of what theyre reporting
is really new
not the heat waves
not the storms
not the flash freezes
you think of the people outside
without television
of their ignorance
you hope they know a few tricks
to protect themselves
like when swallows fly low
theres a storm coming
and when stags blow steam
its time to skin one
to stay warm
you just hope
they know
as you sit in someones chair
watching the news
on someones television
you wonder how you wound up here
what gave you the right
what gave you this house
whether maybe you should share it
you wonder how to start
the nations tell you to be strong
if you give in there will be chaos
you must take what comes your way
it belongs to you
your eyes must hide any sign of empathy
if they see it
theyll latch onto it
and tug your eyes out of their sockets
and tug you out the front door by your hair
they want it back
what once was theirs
but you have to show them
with your eyes
with the hate in your eyes
that they have no more rights
to that house
its your house
you paid for it
worked hard for it
its yours
not theirs
show no pity
send them back
into the woods
if you give in
there will be chaos
power will fall
into their hands
into the hands of the poor
cut them off
as soon as they set one foot inside
one finger
this house will be theirs
dont let them go one step too far
or come too close
more walls
the nations insist
the higher the better
you must not shrink
you are the richest
you are the strongest
if you want to survive
thats how it has to stay
*
// woods
a mass is bobbing up and down
a heap of clumping filth
you cant see the pieces
that make up the mass
all you see is the horrible whole
and the ducks
and the otters
streaming toward it
and getting stuck
no longer ducks
or otters
but part of the mass
arms try to control it
to scale and climb it
they fall prey to it
get stuck
become mass
you dont want to look
just in case your eyes
get stuck in the horror
so you dont jump
in the water
you walk the roads
you search for the woods
you sigh
a soft sigh
of relief
when you hear the grass under your feet
hear it crunch
and see in the distance the antlers
your first deer fleeing
a stag
you dont stop to think
you rush toward it
with your knife
youre quick
not quick enough
the deer escapes
you climb a tree
and wait for it
when its just below you
you jump
out of the branches
into the deer
you whisper to the stag
that you miss us
that your fathers name was Bunny
that youre grateful
and you sleep
for the first time in nights
*
// me
is the clock counting up
or counting down
i whisper to your father
he grunts and rolls over
i imagine im a tree
blowing gently in the wind
*
// ship
you made the cut
youre on the crew
youre fertile
receptive
genetically sound
they tested
so you can be sure
theres water
there will be water
they say
clean water
and a protective layer
between the good air
and the deadly gases
you wont feel the sun
or burn your skin there
they told you
all the energy will come
from inexhaustible sources
they gave you a bird
your companion on the flight
your guardian angel
so perhaps if things go wrong
you can borrow its wings
you think about those emotional support animals
youre glad not to have a dog
there are colossal trees there
they tell you
thats where you will live
you can build your home
on one of the branches
try to use the flight
to get to know someone
so you can build a house together
so you hope
that one of the other hundred flighters
can make your dreams come true
and if not
you tell yourself
youll just have to do the work
to make it work
you tell yourself
thats how you are
thats how you were brought up
you wonder if one hundreds enough
for genetic diversity
for health
in the new place
so we wont all
have to raise
amorphous children
on those giant branches
soon youll be able to go outdoors
go for walks
with the other flighters
you can look
and know theyre looking back at you
wondering if itll be you
on the branch with them
now all you can see are their faces
on a little screen
right in front of your nose
fifty fertile males
free of genetic defects
twenty-five years old
fifty fertile females
free of genetic defects
twenty-five years old
each holding a different degree
men who fall for men
women who fall for women
women who fall for men
and men who fall for women
and every one of them willing
everyone on board
willing to share cells
willing to accept cells
you know you cant tell a thing
from that photo
on your little screen
that face might be attached to a body
that gives you the shivers
or that head
might contain strange roots
that fill its mouth with absurd pronouncements
or the face you choose
might turn away from you
or curl her lips into a grimace
you know all that
but still
you can just picture it
shes the one you want there with you
on your branch
*
// child
dew slides from your nose
down to your lips
your daughter licks you awake
and says
im thirsty
you open your eyes
its getting warm
soon enough it will be scorching
the birds are flying low
you stand up
you lift her onto your back
in search of coolness
oxygen
you look around
nothing but charred earth
here and there a blackened tree
you take a step to what you think is north
your daughter asks
are we almost there yet
you still have no idea
where you could go
the question is not
am i happy here
but
can my daughter survive here
that question
nonstop
how can she stay alive
you think of past generations
dead generations
as you step
across the dry earth
shrivelled lichens
heading north
you think
you think youre heading north
*
// house
the windows rattle in the wind
you pull open a cupboard
one you never opened before
there are crumbs
cookie crumbs
you think
you wet your finger
and dab the crumbs
from the cupboard
into your mouth
and suck till they melt like liquid sugar
on your tongue
*
// woods
you slit a deers throat
a big strong buck
it staggers away
you walk after it
the stag hurries on
with its neck half torn off
its belly half torn open
you pick up a stick
and smash it to pieces
against the stags head
it falls
youre about to slit its belly
but it stands up again
finds its balance
and walks away
you search for another stick
smash that one to smithereens on its head too
it collapses
and you throw yourself onto the deer
your skinny self
on its gigantic body
its soft skin
and with you
on its back
the animal rises again
still clinging there
you kick it in the knees
and limping
and bleeding
it drags itself forward
youre worn out
you cling to the animals back
and the two of you
go on in circles for hours
until for the last time
it sinks to its knees
