This Translation Tuesday, we are thrilled to feature a hilarious piece of short fiction from the award-winning Armenian writer Narek Topuzyan. “Proclamation of Gugo” follows the titular Gugo and Zhanna, an elderly husband and wife duo who frequently quarrels with one another over seemingly frivolous matters: food, flowers, how the other “doesn’t fucking care.” Lilit Topuzyan’s translation conveys the frenetic energy of domestic squabbling and enables the author’s acerbic wit to shine through in the brief three paragraphs that compose the entire story. Reading this comedy of errors is sure to leave one reflecting on how even our most intimate relationships might be composed of a series of loving miscommunications. 

Gugo and Zhanna have been living together for thirty years already, but their relationship has recently taken a wrong turn. Gugo and Zhanna’s relationship has taken a wrong turn, and like cosmonauts having appeared in oxygen deficit due to weightlessness, Gugo and Zhanna, knock on wood, do not know exactly how long all this will last, and this is why they try not to talk to each other much so that the oxygen in their lungs is not needlessly exhausted due to their conversations. If you take a look at this couple, each of who is over sixty, it seems that they are trying, with implicit feud, to postpone the termination of their coupledom, to the extent that they have enough resources for tolerance that they drain in a state of weightlessness of a family. Gugo has found or, who knows, has probably invented the reason for himself: “You don’t fucking care about me,” Gugo says, protruding his lips like a baby, and turns to the TV, anticipating floods of rebuttals, but alas, rebuttals do not follow. Rebuttals do not follow because Zhanna does not really care, at least not about this statement of Gugo, which is new in the usual course of events that have taken place in the last thirty years. Until then, this proclamation of Gugo had never crossed anyone’s mind—what does “caring about him” mean? They live together, share the same bread and maintain a living together. This statement of Gugo is so new that Zhanna does not know what to think. To think that she can calm him down by picking him up in her arms and putting her tits in his mouth would not be correct because the tits that she has are no longer the tits that she used to have; after all, Gugo is no longer a child. She is compelled to think that this man has definitely eaten bad food in the evening or in the afternoon and perhaps this outburst of his is the reaction of what he has eaten. Besides being new, this outburst of his is so unpredictable that Zhanna is sitting in front of a sewing machine, with her glasses on the tip of her nose, and is silently sewing her client’s curtain. Gugo is talking, while she is silently sewing, he is talking, she is sewing, and the more Zhanna remains silent, the more Gugo gets furious. “You don’t fucking care about me,” Gugo says and reiterates, and it is not new that Zhanna does not “fucking care about” Gugo. It is impossible to say exactly how long all this has been going on, but it’s definitely not new. It probably started the day when life lost the charm of hidden dates, but again, it is impossible to say exactly when. Whether it is possible to say the exact time or not, in any case, it is not new, but Gugo has noticed it recently, and the reason for this is that his brother-in-law recently hugged and kissed Zhanna and held her in his laps a bit longer and a bit tighter right in front of Gugo. READ MORE…