Two Poems

Translating tanka poems is not the same as translating other poems. Tankas are typically five lines constructed with a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count which follows the ancient Japanese form. Ms. Proietti told us she wanted to maintain that count in order to honor the “purity” of the simple image that a tanka creates. She also strived to follow the traditional rule whereby the opening three verses (often appearing in original collections as a single line) are the most important part of the poem—so much so that they can be taken alone as with haiku (which follows the 5-7-5 syllable-count). The last two 7-7 verses can explain what is expressed in the first three, or they can contradict it.
 
A first pass through her poems revealed the most obvious and pressing question for us translators to answer: would we adhere to the traditional thirty-one-syllable form or strike out in some other direction. Given Pamela’s intent in the original, we chose to follow her lead wherever possible.
 
Of course, we were immediately challenged by how much more syllabic running-room English provides compared with the Italian: we had additional spaces encouraging us to be as free and open with the text without violating its integrity. On the other hand, Italian utilizes frequently the synalephe—blending of two syllables into one as in this example:
 
Verde è settembre (vehr – day – ey – set – tem – brey = six syllables)
The first two words can be “blended” or elided to read:
Verd’è settembre (vehr – deh – set – tem – brey = five syllables)
 
In this case, September goes green is exactly five syllables, so we were able to keep it simple.
 
However, in a reverse example, with the Italian Una strada costeggia (five syllables), there was no way to shorten or compress the translation to produce the results that we wanted: A street runs alongside = six syllables. In this case, we are claiming the freedom of poetic license!
 
The ability to leverage the gender identity or uncertainty of Italian substantives—moon (la luna) is feminine, sun (il sole) is masculine—is another element that often enhances the mystery when we translate “you” or “he” or “she” in a love poem. 
 
We have been most fortunate that in working with Ms. Proietti, she often has provided us with a backstory for her thoughts and inspiration, supporting our “reliance” on message and image that is different from more traditional approaches to translation. Our unique bilingual relationship and experience with a new genre of poetry has provided a kind of “andare e venire” (back and forth)—offering an opportunity to illustrate the unity that can be achieved, even among three headstrong people!
 
Additional notes on the specific tankas 7 and 36 follow.
 
We hope you enjoy reading our work.
 
Tanka 7: Pinhole/Stenopeica
 
We used the rays of sunlight to help the reader visualize light as sharp objects. We sensed the speaker’s strong desire to be touched, and built on the idea of the spokes of the sun heating up the man’s fingers with which she hopes he will caress her face. It also makes that moment feel more violent and provocative.
 
September “goes” green offered a wish to return to summer’s verdant green despite the fall and end of summer; it also offered a “green light” to proceed in this loving encounter.
 
Tanka 36: Sicily/Sicilia
 
We liked the simple title “Sicilia” / “Sicily” because it is a living and vibrant land evoking redness and seeming to reflect the blood or heat of the island. The gaze on the island keeps safe the story of having lived there. The story that was is the integral story of the island that is.